6/6/08 manifestings- notorious B.I.G.

i want a burrito. is it wrong to eat burritos before 10 am? can i have a burrito for breakfast?

yesterday morning i had a notorious B.I.G vision that i simply had to manifest last night. late night, no clouds, bright glowing city, windows down, the bay bridge extending itself beneath me generously, and B.I.G. himself cracking me up. i love it when you call me big pop-a. oh yes, even i for one fleeting moment, can indulge the big pop-a. and i LOVE "get money" a little more than i'm comfortable with. B.I.G.'s naughty spectrum peaks out a little further than mine. but, never mind. i can be hard core for a minute! in fact just to prove my marina, pottery barned hard-core-ness i'm going to put "juicy" on right now. so there.

last night my friend's 18 year old daughter kicked my butt on the subject of affirmative action over burgers and fries. i knew i was in for a big loss when she wrapped up her ideas on the discreet and disguised racism we "liberal" privileged bay arians fall victim to, into a neat crisp package with a pink bow. when she layed on the table next to my creme brule her preference for the more overt midwestern-type racism she sees lurking outside of our bay area bubble, i was all ears and totally convinced. i think i remember one descent point i made about the trajectory of something or another, and about the face of africa in the media being a totally disenfranchising debilitating thing, bla bla bla, my words not forming in the end into a package with a bow. i know some of my peeps will laugh when i say this, but seriously, i thought last night about the older generation learning from the younger folks. about how that's this sort of natural progression thing that happens eventually. yup, i was an elder learning from an 18 year old. love that..

the lovely 18 year old shared about her best friend's fear of listening to rap music out loud, loudly, in public. she's worried i guess that it would be offensive. that she would look silly. that she would look like she was trying to be black. that she'd get shot or beat up, or worse, laughed at. OH, it is a complicated thing. it is. race and all of the ways we relate to it, and don't, and think we do. our self-conscious-ness is a problem. we-humans of ALL kinds- think our tentativeness and knee-jerk aoplogetic-ness is a necessary gesture, but i think it's burden to our healing- our collective healing. the more lines we draw between us, the further we are from the truth. the big truth. the oneness is true, silly as we often feel saying it.

i was going to manifest my car ride home, soundtracked by "the notorious" anyway. but, after dinner i was absolutely sure of it.

we should be trying each other's perspectives on for size. we should be looking for glimpses of ourselves in everything that appears different. we should celebrate and feel WITH others, not just FOR others.

yes. easy to manifest biggie last night as i flew over the bridge, windows down. harder this morning to manifest a burrito and that makes me laugh.
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